stoneyxochi: Taken with instagram
05.27.12 /03:43/♥ 108

In my head I always picture myself much skinnier than I truly am. I should diet and loose weight, but dieting fills me with stress, anxiety and some other shit. I absolutely hate dieting, and the only way I can do it is if i’m depressed, because then I can’t eat too much anyway. Eating disorders are so much fucking easier.

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Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I’m a walking cliché. I really need to go to the doctor and have my leg checked. There’s something wrong. A bump. The dentist called again. I’m way overdue. If I stop putting things off, I would be happier. All I do is sit on my fat ass. If my ass wasn’t fat I would be happier. I wouldn’t have to wear these shirts with the tails out all the time. Like that’s fooling anyone. Fat ass. I should start jogging again. Five miles a day. Really do it this time. Maybe rock climbing. I need to turn my life around. What do I need to do? I need to fall in love. I need to have a girlfriend. I need to read more, improve myself. What if I learned Russian or something? Or took up an instrument? I could speak Chinese. I’d be the screenwriter who speaks Chinese and plays the oboe. That would be cool. I should get my hair cut short. Stop trying to fool myself and everyone else into thinking I have a full head of hair. How pathetic is that? Just be real. Confident. Isn’t that what women are attracted to? Men don’t have to be attractive. But that’s not true. Especially these days. Almost as much pressure on men as there is on women these days. Why should I be made to feel I have to apologize for my existence? Maybe it’s my brain chemistry. Maybe that’s what’s wrong with me. Bad chemistry. All my problems and anxiety can be reduced to a chemical imbalance or some kind of misfiring synapses. I need to get help for that. But I’ll still be ugly though. Nothing’s gonna change that.

~   Charlie Kaufman (Nicholas Cage), Adaption.
AdaptionSpike Joneseveryday thought processesNicholas CageCharlie Kaufman2002
05.19.12 /02:07/♥ 6
Canvas  by  andbamnan